Everyday I play a game I cannot win.
No, it’s not the lottery, there’s none of that here on Guam, or some sort masochistic process I go through for self-improvement, but it is something that hits near and dear to the heart.
The game is trying to please my 94-year old Grandfather.
I use the word game not in the sense that it is not something to be taken seriously, because I am taking it very much so, but the “game” as in the sense Sherlock Holmes uses it, the “thrill of the hunt,” the journey. Using past knowledge, the current mood of the situation and problems of the day, and the tools at my disposal, I try to do every caretaker’s job, especially one that is related to their patient, and make life bearable for an old and ailing individual (I do it to the best of my ability because I love him as well).
The task at hand is a bit harder than it initially sounds, and just like every good game, it looks simple at 1st but has incredibly depth. Out of the players to play this game, the game of dealing with my grandfather, the player who had the complete mastery and understanding of all the secrets and levels was my Grandmother, who passed away just about a month ago.
When my Grandfather talks about her, he often uses the word “cool… your grandmother was very cool….”
While hip for his age, he avoids that adjective a lot, and remains to only use it to describe people who he finds very agreeable to be around with. My Grandma gets associated with it the most.
Me? He says I am “cool” sometimes, but not all the time. I can certainly agree with that assessment, since being cool in his definition is being very quiet and go along with his conversations in which sometimes I am not always pleased to hear him complain, but that’s another essay though. I am more patient than every other family member and friend in the family. If we had a veritable stat system for this I would get 95/100 in Patience, 2nd highest in the game, but my Grandma, with her higher overall experience (age in this case) and wisdom, would get a 99/100. Legendary status, an invaluable person in any “party,” and in this case, in my game, she was my support, or my number two. But with her gone, I have to fly solo.
And that makes the game harder.
At 1st this was a daunting task for me to think about, my rock so to speak was unearthed from the ground around me, what was I was going to do? Well I did the best thing that I could do, and remember the things that she would tell me. The advice that she gave me every day were tips and tricks that would help me succeed in my own gameplay later in life, and she was not shy about dishing them out. She would constantly tell me, “Jer, you need to do this!” and this “is go if you know how to do this too!” My grandmother would always look out for me, and like any good teammate, I looked out for her. I realized that I did not know at the time how invaluable her words were, hindsight is so 20/20, and wished I had the back note pages that you find in old video game manuals to write down her best advice, but I remember more than an enough to find my own path in this world.
With this knowledge though, comes also a very important revelation, and that is realizing what the game is. My Grandfather is a man who is insecure and unsure of what he wants, but is somebody who only wants it his way. He’s a like a character in a game who is your ultimate benefactor, but you need to follow protocol in handling his affairs, or like a math or philosophy riddle that takes four University Chalkboards to answer. In life though, there is no winning, there is no conveniently designed ending that rewards you after a certain amount of playtime, or content that marks the end of your journey/expansion pack. You finish the days objective, and the next day you find yourself doing the same thing, maybe mixed with a few variables, or a lot, really depends on the day. The only winners here are not the ones who get up in the morning with Stamina, Hit Points, Gold coins (money) or some other character stat, but the ones who can get up with a smile. I think Curtis Mayfield would even agree.
Also competition sucks, especially when it deals with people’s well-being, Capitalism? Survival of the fittest? These are pretty cruel and fascist ideologies that do not foster good will towards fellow brothers and sisters, but rather perpetuate judgment.